How To Have Sex With An Aspirin Between Your Knees

by Not So Secret

in Articles

As a site dedicated to presenting accurate information in order to help women explore their sexuality in a safe and fulfilling manner, we were appalled when Foster Friess suggested that simply holding an aspirin between your knees would stop you from getting pregnant, presumably by stopping you from having sex.

This is bad advice, because, well, it’s not only totally possible to have sex with an aspirin between your knees, but it can actually make sex even better. Or at least a little more entertaining. Here’s a quick-start guide, but there are certainly countless other ways to clench your knees while getting it on.

BEGINNER POSITIONS:

1) Doggie With Aspirin: On your hands and knees, squeeze an aspirin between your knees and let your partner penetrate you however s/he wants to. It’s easy to keep the aspirin safe in this position.

2) Missionary With A Headache: After a long day saving souls, even the most devout missionary will want to lie face down on a comfy bed. But, a devout missionary will never cease to serve, and if your partner has needs, just lay in bed, face down, and squeeze an aspirin between your knees. If you keep it safe by not letting it drop, then you can go ahead and swallow before sleeping soundly.

INTERMEDIATE POSITIONS:

1) Jackknife: Lying flat on your back, stretch your legs straight up in the air at a 90-degree angle. Hold an aspirin between your knees and press your legs together tightly so it doesn’t fall out. You will notice that, in this position, your entire core is contracted, meaning that you can easily do kegels while being fucked. Sure, it’s great exercise, what with all that leg flexing and kegel squeezing, but it also makes sex feel better for both you and your partner. Rumor has it that this will activate your G-Spot while squeezing a penis even tighter. Obviously, if you’re being fucked with a dildo, your partner won’t care about the kegels, but you will! (This is good advice, even if you’re the type of brazen hussy who likes to fuck without an aspirin between your knees.)

While you’re at it, have your partner push your legs down towards your chest, keeping them straight and tight, and you’ll get a killer hamstring stretch. Again, if you’re sore after all the stretching and flexing, just take the aspirin in the end.

2) Tipped Chair: Very much like the jackknife, but with knees bent. The benefit here is that although the aspirin will stay safe and sound between your knees, your lover can push your knees all the way to your chest, which will bring your ass up, but kind of pushes your girlie-bits down, again providing maximum G-Spot potential. This also increases the spankability factor, which may be necessary, seeing as you are obviously a bad girl, finding a way to fuck while employing the tried and true aspirin-between-the-knee chastity measures.

ADVANCED POSITION:

1) Windmill: Start in the jackknife position, but have your lover push your legs down to one side, then up towards your head, then over to the other side, then back up again. Essentially, you are making a giant circle with your legs, all while holding them tight and protecting that sacred aspirin. When you find a spot you both really like, just make tiny circles there for a  bit, then resume the pattern. Play with this, as it really changes the pressure and sensation for both you and your partner as your body changes positions. This is a good one.

You can even raise the stakes a bit by making a game out of all of these positions. If you drop the aspirin, you have to be punished by doing anything that your lover asks. Nothing like a little high-stakes aspirin sex to spice things up.

Now, we are not sure why Foster Friess thinks this will be safer for anyone, then again, he thinks Rick Santorum should be president, so he’s obviously not terribly bright. Please, take your sex advice from us, not him. Having sex with an aspirin between your knees will NOT prevent pregnancy or disease. But it will feel good.

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