SURVEYS

We’ve started doing surveys. It started with the Sexual Shame survey that Alyssa did for her TEDx talk about the same subject. Then Lanae and Alyssa did one on Body Image and Sexuality Sexxx Talk Radio. Turns out, they’re fun and interesting, so we’ll be doing them weekly for the radio show, then writing up our results here on Not So Secret.

Blow Hard & Prosper: The Blowjob Survey ResultsLast week, as Esquire Magazine declared the blowjob dead, Mark Twain laughed over a beer with Elvis, and penned a note to all of us, that we’ll never get  “don’t worry, the reports of its death have been greatly exaggerated.”

The original article was inane. But so too was a response on the Ms. Magazine blog, that was not only written by a man, but quoted a bunch of men about the death of the blow job. All of them smart and well-meaning, but all of them taking an odd stance of blaming women (in an obtuse sort of way) for this imaginary slaying. They did so by analyzing not only how women feel about blow jobs, but why their attitudes have caused men to prefer cunnilingus.  Yup, prefer cunnilingus. An assertion that caused many women I know to do a retrospective survey of past lovers and ask, “what they hell are they talking about?” …more…

Dossie Easton’s “Your Sex Inventory”  (SURVEY IS OPEN!) We are honored to have permission to offer you Dossie Easton’s Your Sexual Inventory survey. This was originally conceived by Dr. Easton for publishing in The Ethical Slut. It is not in the current edition – which we think is crazy. Of all the books on our collective book shelves, this is one that we all agree everyone MUST read. Like, if we were “god,” we’d make you read it. It is such a useful and easy-to-read guide to discovering the landscape of your sexuality and sharing it with partners. It’s a no bullshit kinda thing. …more…

Sexual Shame: The idea of sex without shame may sound about as beautiful and possible as a world without war. But we need to work towards both, (and will try to avoid mentioning the porn collection found in Osama Bin Laden’s den when he was killed, illustrating, perhaps, a metaphorical link between shame and violence. And the fact that you never know what’s going on behind closed doors.)  more…