The Not So Secret Blog

Accentuate the Negative  In recent week, I’ve gotten a troubling number of emails from followers asking me to respond to some alarmingly negative writing from prominent sex writers. I have felt uncomfortable doing so, after all, we support each other here. It’s at the very core of what we do.

But when well-respected writers with huge followings suggest that the consensual choice to remove pubic hair infantilizes women and is akin to pedophilia, or says on a radio show that being asexual is a disorder linked to abuse, or refers to people’s sexual habits as “strange,” or suggest sticking a popsicle in a vagina for interesting sex – WE HAVE TO STAND UP AND SAY “NO.” En masse.

Art or Porn: The Seattle Erotic Art Festival 2011 Having recovered from the all-night debauchery that is The Seattle Erotic Art Festival, I’m doing some Monday Morning Art-Curating. I am trying to remember how many times I said, “that’s not art, that’s boring porn.” Too many to look back at SEAF and consider it an Art Festival. But damn, it was a really fun party.

Shelter, Sustenance & Sex: We are hard-wired to have sex. To want it. To do it. To do it a lot. We are also hardwired to enjoy it, presumably so that we will keep doing it. Sex is as elemental to our beings and survival as shelter and sustenance. We need shelter to protect ourselves from the elements and predators. We need sustenance to keep our bodies alive. We need sex to perpetuate the species. If you remove any one of those things, our survival is quickly called into question.

Why Porn Sucks, (And Not Well.): “Watch lots of porn” is pretty high on the list of things that sound like a good job description, until you have to do it. I realize that now, after watching hours of porn in an attempt to curate a collection that will get women hot and horny and happy. It’s not working, even for me. If I hear one more woman say, “that’s right stud, slide that fucking cock into my tight little ass” while some greased-up guy with his socks and shoes on contorts his face as if he’s taking the biggest dump of his life, I think I might vomit.