Alyssa Royse

Tubal Tantrums

July 9, 2012

If 42 year-old me could have talked to 23 year-old me as she was getting ready to get married, she would have remarked on the fact that forever is a fallacy, truth is relative and what you absolutely need and want out of life is an ever-changing target. 23 year-old me would not have listened, [...]

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Gateway Sexual Activities

May 12, 2012

When Tennessee passed their new Gateway Sexual Activity law, I laughed out loud. Surely, this was a joke, right? The Onion had somehow gotten control of….  NO?  They were serious! It is written right into their laws that hand-holding has to be taught as a “gateway sexual activity” in sex ed classes in public schools. [...]

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Fifty Shades of Fiction

April 26, 2012

Fifty Shades of Grey has been vibrating in the zeitgeist’s sweet spot with such intensity that I could no longer ignore it. People kept asking me how I felt about it as a woman, a sex-writer, a sex-positive activist, and as a mother. By the time I picked up all three books I had read [...]

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“Strange Sex” Is Sex-Negative

April 24, 2012

It feels like only a few weeks ago that something on Trina Read’s blog pissed me off to the point of distraction. Oh, it was. And now it’s happened again. I want to like her, I want to believe that there is this great groundswell of sex-positive writers and we are all in it for [...]

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Satin & Lace & Feminine Grace

March 23, 2012

I spend more time than most people steeped in both images and ideas about what is “sexy” and what is “feminine” and what is “normal” and what is…..   Well, what is any number of loaded and subjective words that inspire, entice or infuriate countless  people. Such is the life of someone who thinks and writes [...]

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S.L.U.T.: An Acronym For Healthy Sex

March 17, 2012

Human sexuality is, to say the least, an incredibly diverse thing. Here at Not So Secret, we tend to narrow it down to one simple idea: If it’s between consenting adults, it’s all good. Of course, it’s not actually that simple. Somewhere in the tempest that transpires when you mix hormones, creativity, desire, and all [...]

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Jesus and “His” Butt Hole

March 16, 2012

Lemme be clear up front, I’ve never met Jesus or played with his butt hole, so I can’t really say how he would feel about it. Then again, nobody that is alive and talking has, so none of us really have any right to say how Jesus would feel about having butt sex, or any [...]

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Tell Me How You Like It, Baby

February 25, 2012

Honestly, sometimes people say the stupidest things when it comes to sex. And I don’t mean “oh, that’s right baby, you’re fucking my pussy, that’s right, your cock is in my pussy,” or the other inane gibberish that modern porn may have us think is “sex talk.” (I’ve said it before and I’ll say it [...]

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Tie Me Up & Worship Me

December 8, 2011

Whenever I speak – or write – about women’s sexuality in the context of empowerment, some very well-meaning person (usually a woman) will want to chat, with that knowing wink-wink nod-nod that assumes we will agree, about BDSM play. Invariably, they want me to agree with them that images of women tied up, bound, gagged [...]

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Ask & Tell: Alyssa Speaks at TEDx

November 15, 2011

Every time I speak, I start with a solid idea of what I intend to say. Then it comes time to speak, and the energy of the crowd, the rhythm of the day, takes over. Invariably I say things that I didn’t quite mean to, and don’t say things that I did mean to. And [...]

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