Last week, Lanae and I did a Sexxx Talk Radio show all about sex toys with Megan Andelloux. To say it was fun is an understatement, and you should TOTALLY listen to it, NOW. Well, after you read this short post and share a story with us, which you can do anonymously. ”
You see, our good friends at Trojan Vibrations were tickled, in all the right ways, when we said that we were doing a show on sex toys, so they sent us two vibes to give to you guys. We posted about it on FB, and although it’s getting lots of clicks, no one is sharing stories. Sometimes, it seems, we forget that not everyone on the planet is as comfortable discussion the inner machinations of their cilotori as Lanae and I are. The plan was to run a contest, in which you all tell us your funniest sex toy stories (you know you all have one) and we send the winner – as judged by the number of likes on the post – a brand spanking new Trojan Vibrations vibe. But we’re thinking the whole “discuss my use of sex toys in public” thing might have been a deterrent.
So we’re going to try the same thing here, where you can post anonymously. (Though if you win, you’re going to have to send us your name and address so we can send you your new toy. But we’re not telling anyone.)
Do listen to the show on sex toys, but indulge me in a little recap and intro as to why you should, ( I know, we shouldn’t use words like should, but I feel strongly about this) give a toy a try.
- It’s a great way to learn about your body, all by yourself. A nice vibe can be a great way for you to really find the spots in your anatomy that sing when zinged – and how. Clitori can be shy, but few of them can resist the high RPMs of a vibrator. If you have never been able to achieve a clitoral orgasm, this can be a great way to learn. Once you can identify the feelings, and learn how to relax into it, allow it, you may find orgasms easier to achieve. Same thing with vaginal orgasms – even though I personally think the jury is still out on the idea that every woman can have one. And remember, this is me, the queen of, “you don’t have to have an orgasm to have great sex,” so don’t stress about it. It should be fun. If it’s not, then stop it.
- Toys are a great added “vavoom” to partner play too. If you are being vaginally, or anally, penetrated by a man, then he can feel a vibe either on your clit – or whichever hole he’s not in – almost as well as you can, and BAM, that’s some good stuff. Most guys also don’t come with a high RPM attachment to perfectly stimulate a clit while penetrating you, so there’s no reason not to add a little. Do you NEED it? No. But think of it as the cherry on top of the sex sundae. Same is true with women, for that matter. I mean, we each only have so many arms, fingers, tongues and what not.
- They’re fun. You know that moment of uncertainty, fear, embarrassment you sometimes feel when you’re trying something new? That’s you, growing and learning and expanding. Assuming that you want to have interesting and fulfilling sex for the rest of your life – which is what we want to help you do – then you’re gonna need to keep growing, learning and expanding your sexual repertoire. Toys are a great way to do that. And if you can laugh and be embarrassed together, and learn something new together, you’re laying the foundation for a lifetime of sexy fun.
During the show, I also told you that I’d tell you why condoms should be in every bed side table, even if you’re in a monogamous fluid-bonded relationship. (I also told you that Trojan was my favorite brand, which as true long before I got to know them as a company. But that’s because I love the logo, it reminds me of the line in Little Red Corvette by Prince, “She had a pocket full of horses, Trojan, some of them used.” So I was brand loyal from a young age. I used to by them, to be prepared, and I always bought Trojan Magnums, and laughed, thinking of it as a Cinderella kind of thing – if the rubber fits….)
Anyway, condoms are an essential part of toy play. If you want to, for instance, use a vibe anally and then vaginally, a condom means that you don’t have to stop and sanitize the thing between destinations – which is a total buzz-kill. Likewise, if you want to share toys with your lover, a condom means you can do that. (And if you happen to have sex with guys, and they’ve never experienced prostate play with a vibrator, well, that’s some territory that is very worth exploring.) Obviously, you can use whatever brand you want, but I honestly do like Trojans. Just make sure that whatever lube you’re using with it (and you should be using lots of it if your engaging in anal play) is condom safe!
Now, with that out of the way, tell us your stories. I’ll start you off with two – though obviously I can’t win. But I’ll help set a tone. Leave yours in the comments below, and let’s try to laugh with – and inspire – each other.
I shared this one on our Facebook page already, but here it is again:
Okay, I’ll start, even though I can’t win….. A while ago, I did a mad dash clean of my room because I thought someone would be staying there while I was out of town (to pick up my things from an asshole ex who…. nevermind….) This included putting my favorite vibe, which is usually on my bedside, in a “safe place.” Made the long drive to and from CA, came back weary and just needed to relax. So I reached for my vibe, and it wasn’t there. Worse, I couldn’t remember where I put it. I madly dashed through drawers, trying to remember where my “safe place” was. After about 10 minutes, I found the last vibe that I had hidden, and lost, in the same way. SCORE! A friend found the other one, later, when she was looking for some socks. (The sock drawer, really? What was I thinking.)
And here’s a bonus one, from a friend from long ago:
I got a hysterical call from this old friend a couple years ago, who was laughing, but also a tad panicked. She had a new lover, and they were playing with toys and having a great time with her little Silver Bullet vibe. He was rimming her anus with it, which, of course, felt awesome. Unfortunately, he was new to anal play, and didn’t know the cardinal rule, NOTHING WITHOUT A FLARED BASE OR CORD is safe for anal play. And sure enough, the little silver bullet got “lost” up her ass. Now, your bowels are basically a long and winding tube that turn into intestines, and end with your throat and mouth. Things can get “lost” up there. And she had a vibrating bullet – still ON – vibrating in her nether regions, with no way to get it out. I laughed, not particularly worried because it was small and slippery and would probably get out…. Sure enough, about an hour and a half later, I got a text message that was, simply, a mini-movie of a silver bullet swimming around in a toilet bowl. (I think I still have it.)